I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
