I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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