There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
