So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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