And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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