if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
