I just saw a hot homeless man
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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