Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
