Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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