I'm lost and stupid without you.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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