It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
only if we run a train.
done.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
