Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
