The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
