If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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