I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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