Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
