You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
