he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
