mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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