I think I won the penis lottery.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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