Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
