Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she told me i tasted like america
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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