I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
