it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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