I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
