i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
