I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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