hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
