Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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