worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
