Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
