I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
