She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
