How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
