If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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