Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
