She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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