I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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