I think my fart just growled at me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
