Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
