Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
