drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
