The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
