a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
