i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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