hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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