sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
