who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
