11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
