We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
