I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
