i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
