He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
