If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
